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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685850">Mr. Sorry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpiePair/pseuds/MagpiePair'>MagpiePair</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>4+1 Things, Apologies, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, JR-centric, Kim Jonghyun-centric, POV Multiple, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 22:29:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685850</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpiePair/pseuds/MagpiePair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonghyun says “sorry” almost as often as he breathes. </p><p>AKA Four times Jonghyun apologizes to his members, and one time they won’t let him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Minki | Ren &amp; Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun &amp; Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kang Dongho | Baekho &amp; Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kim Jonghyun | JR &amp; Aaron Kwak | Aron, Kim Jonghyun | JR &amp; Everyone, Kim Jonghyun | JR &amp; Nu'est Ensemble</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mr. Sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, all! Just wanted to write something cute about the NU'EST members reassuring Jonghyun when he feels down on himself. </p><p>Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sorry.” The word falls into the silence, sitting heavily in the space between them. Minki has heard this word from his leader more times than he cares to think about; Jonghyun says the word almost as though a period to end his sentences. He says it so frequently that it comes across as a reflex, but Minki knows he is sincere every time an apology passes his lips.</p><p>“For what?” he manages to ask, already imagining the tiniest perceived slight Jonghyun has decided to take responsibility for this time. Crucifying oneself as often as Jonghyun does cannot be healthy, but Minki doesn’t know how to make Jonghyun see himself the way Minki sees him. Jonghyun does not think he hangs the stars in the sky like Minki does- Jonghyun thinks his very existence is something to apologize for and that any tragedy or wrongdoing in the world is his fault. Minki wishes he realized that being part of a team meant that everything should not fall solely on his shoulders. </p><p>In Minki’s time introspecting on the other, Jonghyun has already begun answering. “For being a bad hyung and a bad leader.” He says this so easily as if Minki won’t fight him on this. As if Minki is sure to agree. The sheer resignation in his voice has indignation rushing up through him like a wave.</p><p>“What are you even talking about, Jonghyun-hyung?” He steps closer as if to grab Jonghyun by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, but in the end, he keeps his arms resolutely by his sides. His fists clench with the effort of remaining calm. </p><p>“I’ve been setting a bad example for you.” His eyes are on the floor now, foot scuffing against the carpet in what would seem a comical parody of uncertainty if Minki didn’t know better. Didn’t know that Jonghyun was speaking and acting from the heart. He does not open up, does not let himself be vulnerable very often, so Minki hangs on to every moment when his leader imparts his true feelings. “I’ve been… demonstrating bad habits? Lately, I keep comparing myself to others in front of you. And I’ve been putting in too much time in the studio, you know, overworking and being too busy to spend time with you. And even when I do hang out, sometimes I’m too tired or feeling too down to be good company. I just… haven’t been showing you any sides of me I want you to see. And those are things I don’t want for you, either, so I really need to be better about that.”</p><p>Jonghyun’s eyes seem glassy when he looks away, and Minki feels a rush of fondness and protectiveness toward his hyung who has always been so quick to tear up. Minki finds that he has to bite his own lip harshly after Jonghyun’s confession, his own emotions overflowing at how much he wants to wrap Jonghyun in a cocoon of blankets and wrap around him like a koala around a tree trunk (Minki has never been particularly good at metaphors. Similes? He leaves the poetry and wordsmithing to the groups’ lyricists) until all negative thoughts are out of his head.</p><p>“Hyung, no. Okay, some of the things you said are true-” Jonghyun winces here, but Minki forges ahead- “You’re right that spending night after night at the studio and comparing yourself to others are bad habits.” He leans in closer, pauses until Jonghyun meets his eyes. “But you have /never/ been a bad hyung /or/ a bad leader. You have always supported me when I have my own self-doubts or when I feel down on myself. I admire how hard you work and how much you do for all of us. If you have days where you’re too upset to hang out with us, that just means you’re human. We just want you to feel better and to share with us when you’re feeling like that.” Jonghyun nods once, stiffly, in acknowledgement, and they both pretend he hadn’t just sniffled. </p><p>“Thank you for saying all that.” He leans his head against Minki’s shoulder. “I’m still sorry, though,” he tacks on, almost as if an afterthought. But Minki knows the apology has been sitting at the top of Jonghyun’s throat for the whole conversation, with Jonghyun just waiting to let it loose.</p><p>Minki has always looked up to Jonghyun. If only Jonghyun could look up to himself. Minki wants to make a home video of all his good memories with Jonghyun, all the moments he had been captivated by the elder, every time he admired and appreciated all the other did. He wants to make Jonghyun watch it, watch himself and see the /good/ in him. </p><p>He settles for wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s middle and nuzzling his head against his chest. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” </p><p>He knows Jonghyun doesn’t believe him, but this will have to be enough.</p><p>---</p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>Aaron turns from his ramyeon, leaning against the dorm’s kitchen island to face Jonghyun. He doesn’t ask why, knowing the other will continue on his own. He just crosses his arms and waits.</p><p>Jonghyun swallows past a particularly large lump in his throat. “Produce.” </p><p>And /ah/. That is all he really needs to say. Jonghyun has been blaming himself for Produce 101 since the news broke that they would be on the show. </p><p>But he goes ahead anyway. “I’m sorry I failed you.”</p><p>Aaron smacks his arm.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“Don’t say stupid things if you don’t want to be hit. You didn’t fail us. Any of us.”</p><p>“How can you say that? Through everything… through all these years, through Japan, through going on a /rookie/ show, /without/ you-!” Aaron cuts him off with a rather fierce hug, arms thrown around the other with a force he didn’t think he had in him this early in the morning. He means to surround him entirely, although the effect is somewhat ruined by their similar sizes and physiques.</p><p>From the sound of Jonghyun’s voice cracking at the end of the statement, Aaron figures even if he hadn’t cut the other off, Jonghyun’s own voice might have given up on him.</p><p>When Jonghyun next speaks, the sound is muffled into Aaron’s shoulder. “I… I wish I could give you everything, but lately all I’ve given you is disappointment.” Okay, that stabs right at Aaron’s heart. Although Jonghyun is leaning rather heavily against him, he gently pushes him back so he can look him in the eye. Aaron knows the power of a good joke in relieving tension, has often been an advocate of humor and lightheartedness, but he knows when to be serious. His unrelenting gaze on Jonghyun makes the other unable to look away. </p><p>“I am not disappointed in you. You /have/ given me everything. From when I first got to Korea and was struggling as a trainee, you took me in right under your wing and brought me along for the ride. You helped me become everything I am today.” </p><p>Jonghyun’s eyes sparkle, but with what emotion, Aaron is not sure. “But look at where we are now. This wouldn’t have happened if I had just…”</p><p>“Just what? What do you think you could have done? We have all been on this crazy trip together, and with a title like ‘leader’ or whatever else… Do you really think if anyone else had been the leader, they could have done anything differently? Even if they could have, I don’t want that. /You’re/ our leader.” </p><p>The tears are definitely spilling over now. From both Jonghyun’s eyes and, Aaron realizes with a start, his own.  Jonghyun wipes at his cheeks fruitlessly as more tears take the place of the ones he has swiped away. “I- Isn’t your ramyeon done?” he deflects. Aaron allows it as he turns back to his bowl. </p><p>When Jonghyun turns away, it is with a quiet whisper of “thank you.” And Aaron likes hearing that a hell of a whole lot more than “sorry,” wishes he himself said “thank you” to Jonghyun more often. Maybe Aaron could counter every one of Jonghyun’s “sorry”s with a “thank you,” and maybe then they could turn into sentiments that were always felt without having to be said. </p><p>---</p><p>“Sorry.” The voice is raspier than normal, but Dongho can tell who it is without looking anyhow. </p><p>“Not your fault,” he shoots back easily.</p><p>Jonghyun levels him with an unimpressed look. “Yes, it is.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.” </p><p>Jonghyun leans back against the wall, looking like it was taking him entirely too much effort to stand up. He looks so /tired/. Dongho wants to march him into bed but knows he doesn’t have that right. Knows he himself isn’t the picture of restfulness either. Jonghyun continues, “You heard the trainer in there. I couldn’t hit the notes. I’ve been taking vocal lessons for so long already, but I’m not progressing the way I should be. The way I need to be.”</p><p>Dongho grits his teeth. He can’t exactly deny that their vocal coach hadn’t been entirely satisfied with Jonghyun today or that Jonghyun had been able to perform his parts to the standard expected of him. Dongho thinks Jonghyun’s voice is lovely- smooth and understated in a way that complements his own power vocals very well. But subtlety is not a quality very appreciated in their industry, and in the eyes of some key figures in both their company and others, being a great dancer and rapper is not enough- their idols need to be /everything/ at once. Dongho wishes he could challenge any of those company head honchos to practice a quarter as hard or perform one-eighth as well as Jonghyun does. As is, Dongho knows their demands get to the other, that Jonghyun simply feels that he is /not good enough/. And that doesn’t sit right with Dongho at all.</p><p>“I mean, I know it must be embarrassing when, when you all… You have such an angelic voice, not to mention Minki’s honey vocals. And I’m not a visual like that, like you or Minhyun with your abs and his striking eyes- I’m scrawny and funny-looking. I’m even awkward in variety shows, I can’t bring a laugh like Minki or Aaron. I’m just a shut-in who plays too many games. I just don’t know how I fit in with the rest of you, or why you aren’t embarrassed by, or tired of me.” His voice weakens. “Why do /I/ get to be here? With you all?”</p><p>Dongho gulps. This is so much deeper than he has any way to handle. Jonghyun’s self-confidence problem runs through his very core and colors his every thought and action. He questions himself from sun up to sun down and every moment in between in a way Dongho can’t understand. The noises in Dongho’s own head are loud enough, the occasional creeping self-doubt that plagues him. Dongho can’t imagine facing down that voice every day. </p><p>He feels so very inadequate for this even as he rests his hand on Jonghyun’s arm. Tries to make him understand. “You know none of that is true, don’t you? …I guess you don’t. Look, none of us are lying to you- not us, or the fans, or the company- when we tell you that you’re needed. When I tell you that I think your lyrics are amazing, or that your rap was really good, I mean it. When the fans praise how hard you’ve worked and talk about what variety shows they want you to appear on, it’s because they love you and want to see you go even further. And when the company gives you new responsibilities, it’s because they trust that you can do it and bring NU’EST to even higher heights than you have already. No one would do any of that out of pity or because replacing you would be a hassle or whatever else you’re thinking in that stupid, overthinking brain of yours. It’s because you /are/ enough. You’re more than enough. And when you feel like you’re not, that’s when we want to help you. We can work with you until you feel ready.”</p><p>Jonghyun lets out a shuddering breath. Dongho feels his goosebumps under his palm. His eyes meet Dongho, and there is so much warmth in his gaze that Dongho can’t look away. Jonghyun can’t seem to find his voice, but his expression shows how much he appreciates his words. Dongho can’t tell to what degree he believes him, but he hopes even the show of support has lifted his spirits. Jonghyun looks down again a moment later when he is again able to speak. “And the song? When they want me to record it and I just- can’t… get there?” </p><p>“You will.”</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“Because you will. I know you, you’ll be practicing until your throat is raw. And you already sound great, by the way. You’ll get there.” Dongho rubs his arm perhaps a bit too strongly, but Jonghyun doesn’t complain. Instead, he smiles.</p><p>“Sorry to always bother you like this.”</p><p>“You don’t bother me,” Dongho answers. He never could be a bother. Does Jonghyun worry him? Definitely. Annoy him sometimes? Of course. But Dongho would take ten years’ worth of frustrations over any amount of time spent apart.</p><p>---</p><p>“Sorry, sorry.” Jonghyun’s tone is light as he brushes against Minhyun on his way past him in the hallway, but Minhyun can feel there is more behind it. He watches his leader go for a moment, before turning back and following him into his bedroom. Jonghyun doesn’t look back. </p><p>Minhyun had hoped to fall back into an easy rhythm of friendship with his members after his long time apart with Wanna One, but it seems not everything will return to normal quite so quickly. If Jonghyun’s reluctance to have a one-on-one conversation lasting longer than ten minutes and his hesitance in meeting Minhyun’s eyes is any indication, anyway. </p><p>“Jonghyun?” he calls out. The other pauses and looks back over his shoulder. “Can we…” /talk/, he wants to say, but instead he says, “Can I watch you play?” Coward. </p><p>Jonghyun’s apprehension melts instantly into a small smile. “Of course.”</p><p> Minhyun situates himself on Jonghyun’s bed, watching him get absorbed into yet another game. </p><p>They stay like that for a while until Jonghyun leans back in his chair and sighs. Whether the sigh is one of relief or exasperation, Minhyun couldn’t tell you- he’s not really sure if he won or not. Despite his inattention, Minhyun had enjoyed the last half hour or so; it had been relaxing to just sit in (relative) silence with the other. </p><p>Jonghyun stretches and joins Minhyun on the bed, and Minhyun can’t help but smile at Jonghyun initiating their close contact for perhaps the first time since his return. </p><p>“So what’s up?” he asks finally. “You’re not normally this quiet for this long.”</p><p>Of course Jonghyun had noticed. He always had noticed when something was up with one of them. Well, if he was going to be direct, Minhyun would be, too. “Are you avoiding me?” </p><p>The other looks away, contradicting his own words when he replies, “Of course not!” At Minhyun’s look, he continues, “…Maybe a little?”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I’m just… a little guilty, I guess?” Although Jonghyun’s words themselves are uncertain, Minhyun privately thinks he has been thinking about this a lot. “When you were with Wanna One… this is going to sound so stupid and awful of me, but I was kind of jealous. There you were thriving the way you always should have been, and with others who aren’t me. I should have just been happy for you, but instead, I just wanted you with us and to monopolize your time. I know I don’t deserve it, though, and I don’t know why you would still want to hang with me after spending so much time with others who are…” Here, Minhyun fills in all of the compliments and praise he has heard Jonghyun heap upon Minhyun’s former groupmates- cooler, more talented, more reliable- “-better,” he finishes. </p><p>Minhyun headbutts Jonghyun. The clash of foreheads hurts more than he intended, but he refuses to break the contact to rub at his new bruise. “You’re right that you sound stupid. Did you watch all of my interviews and promotions with them?”</p><p>Jonghyun nods.</p><p>“Who do you think I was missing every time I went on a show to perform? Every time I was lazing around the dorms and saw a picture of a small dog that reminded me of Minki, or when Sungwoon would play Pokemon and I would see an /onibugi/? And every time I watched something from NU’EST W? Don’t you think I was jealous?” </p><p>His arms find their way up to rest on top of Jonghyun’s shoulders. He himself used to think of his jealousy as an ugly feeling, but he came to recognize it was just a natural result of keeping his NU’EST members in his heart. Nothing to feel too badly about. </p><p>“So don’t say you don’t deserve to hang out with me, because it’s all I’ve been thinking of doing for so long. No one else is you, you dummy.”</p><p>Jonghyun breathes out heavily. But Minhyun won’t let him off the hook. He waits expectantly for Jonghyun’s reply.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” he affirms. </p><p>“Alright, then we’ve got some time to make up for.” Minhyun’s smile spreads to Jonghyun’s face, and before either can propose an activity for the two, Minhyun is pushing him back onto the mattress and wailing on him with a pillow. </p><p>Jonghyun’s laughter (a sound he had missed perhaps most of all) more than makes it worth the returning blows that comes moments later. </p><p>---</p><p>“I’m sorry,” a hoarse voice calls out.</p><p>Aaron groans. “We don’t want an apology, we just want you to rest.” </p><p>“But-”</p><p>“No buts,” Dongho interrupts. “Aaron is cooking soup, and Minhyun is cleaning the living room, and /you/ are going back to bed.”</p><p>“Hey, what are you and Minki doing?” Minhyun probes in suspicion. </p><p>“Making this one actually sleep so he can get better,” Minki answers as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He’s got his hands on Jonghyun’s shoulders, steering him back in the direction of the bedrooms. </p><p>“It’s just a little sickness,” Jonghyun manages between coughs. “I don’t want to be a burden.” </p><p>“I don’t know how many more ways we can tell you that you’re not a burden to us. We want to care for you like how you care for us.” </p><p>Minki nods after Dongho speaks. “Do you want to hear it in Japanese? English?” </p><p>Jonghyun clearly isn’t done fighting yet. “But I should be able to get over it on my own. I don’t want to take up any of your time…” </p><p>Minhyun pinches him. “You get another pinch every time you say something like that. Do you even hear your own voice? Can you feel how flushed you are? This is not a /little/ sickness like you keep saying, and even if you could recover on your own, we’re not letting that happen, okay?”</p><p>Aaron continues, “Is this your way of telling me you don’t like my soup? Because my sisters say it’s very delicious. Should have you feeling better in no time.” As if to demonstrate this, he lifts the pot closer to Jonghyun’s nose. Of course, Jonghyun is stuffed up and can’t actually /smell/ the concoction, but he closes his eyes as if in appreciation anyway. </p><p>Jonghyun hesitates in place then, his hands coming up to his own shoulders, and when did Minki drape a blanket over him? He suddenly feels too tired and, he realizes wryly, too loved to keep arguing. “I mean, if you guys insist-”</p><p>“We do,” Dongho answers.</p><p>“Then I will go back to sleep. Just don’t fuss over me too much. I appreciate you guys doing all this for me, but I really will be fine soon. So, thank you.”</p><p>He turns on his heel, leaving Aaron, Minhyun, and Dongho in the kitchen while Minki continues to guide him to the bed. He looks back over his shoulder, “And so-”</p><p>“Nope,” Minhyun calls at the same time that Dongho glares and Aaron and Minki make loud noises to cut him off. </p><p>Jonghyun smiles and accepts their care. He falls back into bed without another apology.</p>
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